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Encapsulating

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According to CBC, a time capsule buried underneath Toronto’s Maple Leaf Gardens in 1931 has been opened. Its contents are shedding light on what life was like back when more bands featured clarinet, moustaches weren’t ironic and anyone who felt the need to constantly update people on their status, mood, what they were eating, who they were hanging out with and random, funny things that just popped into their heads was considered crazy and annoying.

The capsule includes a number of newspapers of the day, various hockey-related paraphernalia, a Red Ensign flag and a small ivory elephant whose origins and significance remain unknown. However, the decorative pachyderm wasn’t the only baffling item found in the musty capsule, whose essence, we’re told, has been bottled by a hip mixologist and featured in a signature bourbon, pinecone bitters and granulated boot leather cocktail called Charlie Chaplin’s Bowler Hat.

K&K has it on good authority that historians have unearthed the following mysterious objects from the bowels of Maple Leaf Gardens:

• An early prototype of Borje Salming’s y-front underwear line.

• A corn whiskey flavoured Timbit.

• Harold Ballard’s bloodied handkerchief after he killed a hobo with his bare hands.

• A hemp jockstrap.

• Mary Pickford’s yoga mat—also hemp.

• Harold Ballard’s bloodied pocketwatch after he killed a newspaper boy with his bare hands.

• Lyrics from an unreleased Rush song called “Gentle Madrigal, Lay Down Your Flaxen Cod Piece.”

• The Maple Leafs will to succeed.



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